I cannot believe the situation I got myself into. I committed adultery with a woman and now I have a child I cannot even claim. I am the Reverend of this town. Everyone knows me as the man of the town who they can trust. They do not know what has happened. This poor lady is going through all of this torture and disrespect from people all by herself. The sad part is that I cannot do anything to help.

I am very sick now. My chest is killing me and I feel worthless. The people of the town believed that, “… if Mr. Dimmesdale were really going to die, it was cause enough that the world was not worthy to be any longer trodden by his feet.” [95] I wonder if that may just be true. I’m walking around this town already feeling bad for what I did. Maybe it is really my time to go. I am not going to think like that. If I die, then that’s it. I don’t have to deal with the burden of having an illegitimate child.

I have been searching the internet on ways to deal with feeling guilty and anguish. The website I found was http://www.rd.com/advice/relationships/healthy-ways-to-deal-with-guilt/2/ . I learned that you should not let guilt get the best of you. Each and every time I see Hester, I think of how pretty she is yet I cannot help to think that it was I who put her in this situation. It seems to me that she does not care at all but I know deep down inside that she wishes she could have help with Pearl. God she looks just like me in some ways. All I can do is pray that they both stay healthy and that things get better.