I have been keeping the secret of Roger Chillingworth being my husband for years and years now. Chillingworth asked me to keep this secret. I thought that that was the right thing to do. I also feared that if I told the secret that Dimmesdale would get hurt. The final reason why it was a good idea to keep this secret from the townspeople is that I would have gotten killed if they knew I had a husband. I thought that I would be able to keep this secret until my dying day, but I have to tell Dimmesdale the truth. Dimmesdale is the father of my daughter, Pearl. He also happens to be the reverend of this town. I of course had to tell Chillingworth about my plan to tell Dimmesdale the secret. It was definitely time to tell the truth to Dimmesdale about who Chillingworth is. When I saw him near the beach gathering medicines, I got into this argument with him. I saw that he had become such a monster and I realized that I hated him and he was tormenting the man I loved, Dimmesdale. I knew that I had to meet Dimmesdale immediately. I waited in the forest for him because I knew he would be coming that way. I knew that this was going to be a very difficult conversation because I did not know how he was going to feel about this information I was going to bestow upon him. Since I knew I was going to have to have this difficult conversation I went on the Internet and found this helpful website about having difficult conversations: http://www.helium.com/items/290696-how-to-hold-a-difficult-conversation.  I waited for Dimmesdale in the forest with Pearl and I called out to him to come over to me. It was very awkward because we had not talked in seven years. It took a little while to feel comfortable around Arthur again but I had to tell him the truth. As we begin to get comfortable again we talked about if we have found peace and Arthur began to explain how miserable he is. As our conversation progressed I began to tell Arthur that there is a villain living in under his roof. “Thou hast long had such an enemy, and dwellest with him, under the same roof! (152)” The enemy was Chillingworth. I finally told him that Chillingworth was also my husband. He was furious but I knew that he had to know so that he would not get hurt any more. I believe that I did the right thing.

Image source: http://lindseysglobalblog.blogspot.com/2011/03/dimmesdale-reveals-himself.html

I cannot believe the situation I got myself into. I committed adultery with a woman and now I have a child I cannot even claim. I am the Reverend of this town. Everyone knows me as the man of the town who they can trust. They do not know what has happened. This poor lady is going through all of this torture and disrespect from people all by herself. The sad part is that I cannot do anything to help.

I am very sick now. My chest is killing me and I feel worthless. The people of the town believed that, “… if Mr. Dimmesdale were really going to die, it was cause enough that the world was not worthy to be any longer trodden by his feet.” [95] I wonder if that may just be true. I’m walking around this town already feeling bad for what I did. Maybe it is really my time to go. I am not going to think like that. If I die, then that’s it. I don’t have to deal with the burden of having an illegitimate child.

I have been searching the internet on ways to deal with feeling guilty and anguish. The website I found was http://www.rd.com/advice/relationships/healthy-ways-to-deal-with-guilt/2/ . I learned that you should not let guilt get the best of you. Each and every time I see Hester, I think of how pretty she is yet I cannot help to think that it was I who put her in this situation. It seems to me that she does not care at all but I know deep down inside that she wishes she could have help with Pearl. God she looks just like me in some ways. All I can do is pray that they both stay healthy and that things get better.

This is one of the happiest days of my sorrowful  life. I have just found my father. I found out when he stood next to my mother and I on the platform bearing the scarlet letter on his chest. Painful, but there it was. Who would have known that the Arthur Dimmsdale, the minister and role model that everyone loves, would be the husband of a woman that committed adultery and the father of a demon child. In retrospect I was gleaming with joy although he seemed rather dreary. In a way I should be very angry that it took him many years to claim me and he he let my mom raise me all alone, especially when raising a demon child which are supposed to be handfuls. I should have probably give him this website to show how to raise a child : http://raisingchildren.net.au/. But for the sake of good times I will let it go past me.     Anyways, it is pretty ironic how Mr. Dimmsdale, or dad, ended up as my father since I have thought about of how cute of a couple they would be. Furthermore, whatever Dimmsdale missed out on on these last couple of years I was going to make sure that he would definitely catch up. So for him start catching up I asked him, “Wilt thou stand here with mother and me, to- morrow noontide?”(122) I could not even believe that no. Therefore I took avdantage of the presence of the mysterious Roger Chillingworth, in order for my newly found father to spend time with mother and I. I told him that I would not name the identity of the mysterious old man until he promised. It was sinister, but someone had to do it, you can not mess with a demon child without getting the horns!

Gregory Benjamin

Due Date: 10-24-12
SICKNESS BE GONE!
So things are going pretty good between me and Dimmesdale. We became pretty good friends, even though I am just his doctor. He tells me a lot about him, and I tell him a lot about me. But I always feel that he is hiding something from me. But I don’t think that it is anything that important. But since our friendship is becoming very strong, and I think that he needs very close medical attention, so I decided to move into his house. But little did he know that I already knew a little about him and Hester, but I was just plotting my revenge. MWUAHAHAHAH
So it’s been a while now and nothing out of the ordinary has been happening, until now. As I was walking around the town I noticed Minister Dimmesdale acting very strange around some kids outside playing. It seemed as if he was restraining himself from teaching the kids swear words. Him being a minister, I just thought that, that was very strange actions. So I went on this website to see if he had some type of condition. http://tpw3homeowners.org/Psychopath.htm. But I was not to sure to what caused these strange actions from Minister Dimmesdale. But I did see him leaving the forest alone earlier today. So maybe he mistaken some Drug for herbs for his tea. So when I get back home I ask Dimmesdale if he would like his normal treatment of medicine, and he denied! This is when thing s got really out of hand. This is when I really began to believe that he was going crazy. So I warned him again that he is a very sick man, and this medicine could help him leave much longer. But then again he refused! So I left him alone after that, feeling very confused.

“Somebody that I used to know”

My identity as a physician is beginning to fail.  I have been Reverend Dimmesdale’s physician for the past seven years.  During these seven years I have found out a lot from Dimmesdale.  I always had my suspicions that he was Hester’s “Unknown Lover.”  I asked many times, trying to reveal his sin, but he never wanted to speak of it.  So, one night, I decided to have a peak under Dimmesdale’s robe.  Under it, what I saw changed my life forever, “But with what a wild look of wonder, joy, and horror” (88) I had.  I could not believe it, he had the imprint of the letter “A” on his chest.  From then on, I wanted to seek full revenge.  I started collecting different kinds of poisonous herbs.  I did not know where to start, so I looked through a couple of books until I came across this: http://botanical.com/botanical/mgmh/poison.html.  I did not want to kill him instantly.  I wanted him to suffer like how I did.  I began mixing these poisonous herbs in his food and drinks.  After a while Hester started to pester me.  She kept begging me to stop poisoning her other lover.  She said that I had become evil.  That I am “A secret enemy” (54), and she wants me to reveal my identity. As I begin to take it all in, I remember the old days when I was a benevolent scholar.  But then again, I remember the pain that Dimmesdale has caused me, and I refuse to reveal my true identity.  We get into an argument, then go our own ways.  I am not sure whether to reveal myself or keep it a secret anymore.  I know that Hester and Dimmesdale are up to something, and I must try to stop them.

http://www.holoweb.com

Comprehension Questions
Chapters 17-20

Chapter 17: “The Pastor and His Parishioner”
1. How has Dimmesdale’s secret sin affected his life? Use a quote to support your answers and cite the page number. His secret affected his life because he felt that he should feel guilty for the things that he had done. But he doesn’t.

2. What is Dimmesdale’s “secret poison his malignity, infecting all air about him?” The thing that continues sickening Dimmesdale is the fact that he is not guilty, even though he should be.

3. From what does Hester hope to save Dimmesdale by telling him the truth about Chillingworth? Hester hopes to save Dimmesdales health.

4. Does Hester still love Dimmesdale? Use a quote to support your answer. Cite a page number. In my opinion Hester still loves Dimmesdale. I believe Hester still loves Dimmesdale because at the end of the chapter on page [157] she said “Thou shall not go alone!”

5. What is Dimmesdale’s reaction to the truth? Dimmesdale was upset and put his face in his hands. He also said that he would not forgive, but after Hester told him that he would, he agreed with her.

6. What future plans does Hester suggest to Dimmesdale as a way to escape Chillingworth? Hester said that Dimmesdale should live the town. But Dimmesdale refused because he believed that he did not have any energy left to leave.

Chapter 18: “A Flood of Sunshine”
1. What is Dimmesdale’s decision in response to Hester’s plea that they leave the colony? Cite a quote and page number to support your answer. Dimmesdale agreed to it, and he was very joyful to start a new life. I began to believe that Dimmesdale was joyful when the narrator said “Arthur Dimmesdale gazed into Hester’s face with a look in which hope and joy shone out.”
2. Why is the chapter called, “A Flood of Sunshine”? Because when Hester takes the Scarlett letter off of her bosom and flings it to the forest ground, it seemed that natured blessed her newfound freedom by flooding them both, Hester and Dimmesdale, with sunshine.
3. What does Hester do that symbolizes putting the past behind them? Hester wanted to show Dimmesdale that she was putting her past behind her by flinging the Scarlett letter to the forest ground.
4. What is the sunshine a symbol of? i believe that this represents that the nature is happy with Hester and Dimmesdale, as well as Pearl.
5. When Hester throws down her scarlet letter, the transfiguration foreshadowed Chapter 13 occurs, and Hester’s beauty returns. What is the “magic touch” that effects the transformation?
6. Near the end of this chapter, the forest creatures are naturally drawn to Pearl and recognize her as “a kindred wildness.” How do you account for this wildness in Pearl?

Chapter 19: “The Child at the Brookside”
1. What does Dimmesdale mean when he says, “Oh, Hester, what a thought is that, and how terrible to dread it! That my own features were part repeated in her face, and so strikingly that the world might see them!” I believe that Dimmesdale was saying that it is a scary thought that Pearl might resemble him a little, and the world might realize that.

2. Why is Pearl upset when her mother calls her? Pearl was upset because she saw Hester’s Scarlett Letter lying on the ground.

3. What is Pearl’s reaction to Dimmesdale? How is Pearl a symbol for Hester and Dimmesdale? Pearls reaction to Dimmesdale is hatred. She is a symbol for Hester and Dimmesdale because she will be unhappy until they can all be happy.

Chapter 20: “The Minister in a Maze”
1. Where have Hester and Dimmesdale decided to go when they leave Boston? Why do they choose to go to Europe rather than remain in the New World? Hester and Dimmesdale decided to go to Bristol, England. They chose to go there because Hester had a role as sister of mercy and that brought her into contact with the captain and crew. And she can secure passage for two adults and one child.
2. How does it happen that Hester is acquainted with the captain of the ship now in the harbor? Hester had a role as sister of mercy and that brought her into contact with the captain and crew. And she can secure passage for two adults and one child.
3. Why does Dimmesdale consider it fortunate that the ship is not to sail for four days? He considers this fortunate because this gives him time to say his last sermon, which will allow him to leave the town on a good note.
4. When Mistress Hibbens offers to introduce Dimmesdale to “yonder potentate you wot of,” to whom is she referring? She is referring to the

Reverend Dimmesdale walked through the town in fine clothes on evening. He went to the scaffold where my mother and i were seven years before. My mother and i looked up onto the scaffold and saw him standing on it. He was crying out of pain. Eventually, Dimmesdale started to laugh. I started to laugh a little bit as well. He Called out saying who is there. My mother and I stood up on the platform with him I stood in between them. I held both of thier hands, and linked myself between my parents. Dimmesdale said as soon as he held my hand, it felt as if a new life flowed through him. The three of us formed a chain. I asked him if he could stand here with my mother and I tomorow. Sadly, he said no.  I tried to pull my hand away but he held my hand tight and would not let me pull away.I Asked him again if he could take my hand and my mothers hand the next day. Dimmesdale replied. He said he would not then. Dimmesdale said he would do so another time. Judgement day is the day he said we would all stand here together. He was looking into the sky because he saw a red A. I pulled his hand again and pointed down in front of the scaffold. He looked to see what i was pointing at and saw Roger Chillingsworth standing in front of the scaffold. Roger told my father that he is too important of a man in the community to be acting a fool. My father was told to come down from the scaffold and follow him. The next morning, my father made one of the best speaches of his whole life. A resident of the town came up to my father with one of his gloves. The man found it on the scaffold. I was only seven years old when this all happened.

Their is a leech on my heart (10)

        My soul is deteriorating, my mind is going with it. As you know I, the one who is called minister, have committed a sin. I don’t know who is my enemy and who is my friend. Chillingworth keeps on asking me things that touch on my guilt, he knows that I am not being completely honest. How can I even utter the truth of what bothers my soul. Lately I have been getting worst. Their are days i can not eat, as if my body does not deserve nourishment. Other days I can not sleep, as if afraid that i will not awake. I walk around and mumble to myself when I feel nobody is looking. In my mind I contemplate the decisions I  have made, the worst that always keeps coming back is the desicion not to reveal myself.

I saw my two loves today. When i see them their is a moment of clarity. Then it all comes tumbling back. My daughter’s strange ways amuse me even though i do not show it. I realize when see them that I am not a good father, husband, or minister. Pearl is growing up without a fatherly figure, Hester is not receiving the support of her husband, and the people are being lead by a fake.  It feels as if their is something or some one sucking the essence of my soul. Sometimes a horrible thought creeps in my head, would it be better if i was no more. Then I am more disgusted in myself, how dare I be so weak to try and find an escape from my troubles through death. This site helped me get through a moment were i felt as if i had hit rock bottom: http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/ I thought about it clearly and realized it would be selfish of me to kill myself. This thought does not cross my mind any more. Even though their is still that invisible weight on my shoulders I realize that it is my punishment to live.

Image source: http://www.pnhp.org/sites/default/files/cartoon/2011/leeches-cartoon.jpg?1317754951

Tonight, I was in the forest with my daughter Pearl and noticed a figure in the dark. I squinted my eyes and noticed it was Dimmesdale. I questioned myself because I did not believe it was him, I was wondering what would be doing in the forest this late at night. I called out his name and to my surprise it was the love of my life Dimmesdale. It had been 7 years since the last time I seen him and touched him, he grabs my hands and the touch felt weird, maybe because I have not felt him in so long. We sat down and I have to admit the conversation was kind of weird, we asked random questions like we did not even know each other such as how my health was and how it was a wonderful night. Then, it all hit me and I remembered I needed to tell him the truth about everything. It was really hard for me, so I practiced on this website on how to reveal a secret; http://www.orato.com/self-help/how-to-reveal-secret. I practiced and practiced until I finally built up the courage to tell him the truth. So, it was my time and I just spilled everything out, I told him about Chillingworth being my husband and everything. At first he did not want to forgive me but in the end he did, but at the same time he decided to blaim everything on me. I looked him in the face, and he did not look like the person I once fell in love with. I loved this man to death to us part and I made sure he knew just that. We made a decision that would help the both of us! We planned to leave on a ship to Europe and just be a family with Pearl. I was really happy because I would have my family back and everything would be wonderful.

I have no clue what to do with myself. I am unhappy and I still feel the guilt. I took my vigil at night by myself. Well that is until Hester and Pearl came. We were all standing on the scaffold out of sight from the townspeople. For a moment I actually felt like I was in the right place. Pearl asked me why if I was going to stand with her here tomorrow. I told her no but maybe on Judgment Day.

I am so unsure about this Chillingworth guy. He seems a little strange. As I was on the scaffold, I look over to see him standing in the dark staring at me. I hope he does not think something is up but you never know. Ever since I met him I thought he had a dark side. He doesn’t seem like the normal guy. He says he is a doctor though so hopefully he could help me with my health issues. Speaking of Chillingworth, I heard something from Hester not too long ago that kind of caught me off guard. She said,”… That old man!—the physician!—he whom they call Roger Chillingworth!—he was my husband!” [153] I was in complete shock when I heard that. I knew that he would have had some relation to Hester. I was so mad that she didn’t tell me before. That Chillingworth!

I have been looking up various ways on how to relax. The website I found was http://www.webmd.com/balance/guide/blissing-out-10-relaxation-techniques-reduce-stress-spot. I should just breathe deeply and try not to let things get to me. I have been so stressed due to the situation I am currently in. It has taken a toll on me and my health. When I got home, I will meditate and hopefully I will be much more relaxed.