“Are you ready?” Mary Ellen asked me.  Her voice was unsteady, enough for me to tell she was just as scared as I was.  We were standing in a circle, 4 girls in my group and I, deciding what our plan was.  Ana and her dad Mr.  H were more than ready to go, so they were already in line, saving us spots.

“I don’t want to do this. I don’t think I can,”  I uttered while racing back and forth.

“C’mon, you’re going to love it!  Also, if you’re not going, I’m not, and that won’t be any fun!” Mary Ellen made a good point.  I care about others a lot, and I wouldn’t want to ruin it for her just because I’m scared.  Emma and Mica were more prepared than me, but I knew that they wouldn’t go if the rest of us weren’t.   And then there was Olivia.  If I started naming the reasons I didn’t want to go, it would make her more unsure, and I knew at this point she wasn’t going.  I took a deep breath.

“Okay… let’s all get in line.  It will be so much fun!” I tried to be enthusiastic, but it turned out half-hearted.  Olivia look at me, confused.

“Are you sure?  You really think we’ll enjoy it?”

“Yeah!  Definitely!”  I started walking to the line, and soon the others followed, after what I could tell was further discussion of “really”s and “are you sure”s.  I raised my head to look at the towering 305 foot roller coaster. The glare of the summer sun blinded my eyes so I had to squint to see where the group before us was.  They were at the highest point of the Intimidator 305. I jerked my head away so I wouldn’t have to watch.

I started having second thoughts again, but I was silent about them this time.  I got a stomach ache and my heart seemed to be thumping out of my chest. I knew about this Kings Dominion trip with my orchestra months before now, so to prepare myself for these roller coasters to lessen the suspense, I had seen the Youtube video of every single one. I had done so much for this moment.  Why was I suddenly not ready?  The doors in between us and the Intimidator opened dramatically. There was no turning back.  The operator told us,

“Okay, sit down in these rows of the car.”  I sat down next to Mary Ellen and closed my eyes.

How was this happening so fast?  It was all so unreal.  I heard the automated voice I had seen in the video,

“Gentlemen! Start…your…engines!”

Oh, right.  I forgot that this roller coaster was designed by a race car driver.  Suddenly we were lurched at almost a 90° angle. The noise and feeling began. Tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick.  My eyes were shut as tight as possible. I was about to open my eyes to see the view, but then my mind switched to the reality of what would happen in that situation- I would freak out. We were at this incline for what seemed like an eternity.  Then it stopped and we turned back upwards.

‘This,’ I thought to myself, ‘is it.’ Then we dropped.  Down, down, down.  I counted the seconds on the video for the fall.  4.  4 seconds of emptiness in my body.  How could someone enjoy this?  It was clearly a form of torture.  I screamed unwillingly and felt a bit better.  If you ever want to relive what it feels like, it feels like you’re dying.  I have no idea whether this is how everyone else feels during these drops, but I don’t think about that in the moment.  The only thing that fills my mind are regrets.  I hate the feeling of regrets. Then a realization comes across me.  It stopped.  We stopped falling.  I open my eyes. We drop again.  What? I was so confused. In my mind, I beg for it to stop.  Then  I remembered that the big drop was only the beginning.  I immediately shut my eyes and we drop again.  We keep falling to the side and down.  Over and over.  Again and again.  Finally, we slow down.  I open my eyes.  I look over at Mary Ellen.  I am so stunned I just did that, even though I’m scared of roller coasters. I smile and then start laughing.  It is as if the the Intimidator brainwashed me, because I feel as if I kind of… enjoyed it, even though I obviously did not.  We fully stop and the worker tells us to take off our seat belt.  I step off and find I can barely walk.  I am in a state of euphoria. I feel invincible and weightless and I start laughing again.  I feel the feeling of dropping again and I stop laughing.  I hated that.

“I think Ava’s an Intimidator girl!” Mr.  H exclaims.  I laugh more, now harder.