In my life, I’ve tried to be as nice a person as I can. But I’ve had a lot of fears that my efforts were failing. In choir, I’d sing in a bit of a freestyle sort of to make others laugh and have a bunch of fun in class, with the fear that people would think I’m a showoff or a conceited, self-loving jerk. I’d get angry at bullies when they’d try to do something to me that I don’t like, with the fear of others thinking I was a bully, too. But I learned to conquer it, with the help of some friends and teachers along the way.
I’ve had a fear of bullies because I fear I will get worked up after what they do. Many bullies say hurtful things to me that make me feel mad. After bullies do something to me, the impact of their words would hit me pretty hard. It was like my brain was immediately set to retaliating and getting angry. I would say something like,” Hey, stop it! Now!”, causing them to say something like,” Hey, (blank) you! I’m just minding my business, how about you mind yours?” The truth was, the bullies were not minding their own business; they were trying to annoy others. I’d say,” You aren’t minding your own business, you’re being a jerk!” And then someone would come and try to break it up. The next time the bully saw me, they would try to call attention to themselves and attempt to humiliate me. By then, I feel like I’ve said what I needed to say, and that I’m done with the dispute. But the ordeal wouldn’t be over. I’d fear someone would come up to me and say something like,” Jerk”, or “a*****e”, or “stop being a bully”. But through this, I had a lot of friends who’d back me up throughout everything. My best friend, Emily, is always there to reassure me that I am not a bully at all, I just should learn to ignore the bullies unless it directly effects me. Thanks to that, I’ve built up a lot of courage, and I feel a lot better about myself these days.
I’ve had a fear in the past that people will think of me as a bully because they would think that I’m a showoff or something like that. It started when this kid named Austin started picking on me. He would always try to start up some sort of argument. It usually sparked in choir, when we would sing songs. I had a tendency to try and stand out, only in an attempt to have fun in class and make others laugh. Austin often tried to get me mad and start up an argument, saying,” You know, you brag a lot, you’re stuck up and selfish….” I’d start to defend myself by raising my voice slightly, such as,” No, I’m not!” And he’d get up in my face, yelling,” YES, YOU ARE! YOU’RE SUCH A JERK!”, which is when the choir director, Ms. Provencher, would have to come in and break up the dispute. This kid would talk to a bunch of other friends of mine, and I feared he would make others turn on me. After months of feuding on-and-off with him, I finally came to Mr. DeRigge’s office to talk to him about it. He suggested that Austin and I talk. I was reluctant at first, knowing how much he hated me and how much I hated him. But he gave me a bit of a sense that this was my chance to prove to him that I was doing what was right. Before our talk, he clarified to us that this would not be a loud, or violent dispute. It would just be one-on-one, giving our points of view. I let Austin explain first, but then he started bickering with me that I was just doing this to seem nice. I let him continue anyway. He said I was the one who instigated this feud, not him, and that I was the bully. He told me I showed off and intended to start up a feud. BELIEVE ME when I tell you this, everything he said was false. But I listened to all of it without saying a word. When it was my turn, though, Austin butted in and interrupted tons of times in an unprofessional manner. I still kept my cool though, and I finished what I had to say. Mr. DeRigge came up with a new policy for us: Agree to disagree. I went with it, and agreed not to talk to him for a while. Austin said he wanted to hang out with me and he told me I can’t ignore him like that, but I knew he was lying. But I noted that he showed a lot of immaturity in that meeting, and I was convinced that I had more courage, and that he could not do anything to bring me down anymore. Ms. Provencher, the choir director, is leaving after this year, and one day, we exchanged papers with our names on it, writing compliments about each other. Ms. Provencher said in her comment,” Don’t worry about what others think of you. You’re a great kid.” After that, my fear of appearing as a showoff vanished.
Both these fears were really hard to conquer this year. I always thought that everyone would think something bad of me because of the way I’d react to bullies, or if they thought I was selfish, or a showoff. But I had so many friends along the way that truly understood me and helped me become a more confident person: My best friend, Emily Van Court, was always there for me. She felt she could connect to my struggles, and she showed that she truly cared about me like a brother. She felt like a sister to me. My friend Jonathan Petrini and I would often hang out in Spanish class and joke around and have fun. It made me feel like I had a true friend in him. Also, my friend Janelle, is also really nice to me. She’s a kind person and always fun to hang out with and sit and talk to. It was always fun to hang out with those guys this year. Without them, I wouldn’t have been able to get through this year.