Dolan sat with his head in his hands. He knew that this would happen. Why would an Olly like him? He knew that he was ugly, stupid, and annoying. He still asked her anyway. He knew that he shouldn’t have. He just wanted to feel loved by someone. But he knew he was unlovable. Nobody could love him.

He pulled his head out of his hands. He had spent all of Ms.C’s class with his head in his hands. He knew that she would notice that Ms.C would notice something was wrong if he stayed like that. So instead he just…   Stared at the wheel of the computer cart.

He had liked Olly for half a year. He originally thought that maybe she liked him but once she had found out she just avoided him. It wasn’t the first time that year that he had felt rejected. A few weeks prior someone he thought to be his friend (Jen)  threw a huge party. All his friends were going it would be great! Except…   He wasn’t invited. He had only known Jen for a few months but he still thought they were friends. He only wanted people to be his friend. He felt like people didn’t want him. He felt alone.

The loneliness was the hardest part of the rejection. It felt he was floating through space millions of light years away from the nearest other person. He stood alone against the army of empty blackness. He could not win because the blackness was himself. He was lost within his mind. Lost within the thoughts of self hate.

Weeks turned into months and he still sat alone. He knew that other people hated him. It wasn’t their fault he thought. He knew it was him. He looked at himself in the mirror. Instead of a person he saw a monster. An ugly beast. He was no human. He was a monster.

He half a year later on a cold march day he and his class took a trip. He thought he love Olly. Why he did not know. All he knew was he wanted her love and friendship. He tried to stay close to her. But every time she would run far away. He was mocked by others for trying to find love. They found it where ever they wanted it but he could never find it. He was the unlovable monster.

Later that day something happened. Jen was on the other bus. They had be texting each other. On the bus. She had become his closest friend. He didn’t realize that she was his friend. He was still fighting the war against himself. He didn’t realize that he had friends.

The Jen texted him something he would never had thought to have seen. “will you go out with me” she asked. He stopped for a minute maybe someone did love him maybe some did…

Then she texted again. “It was a dare from Olly.”

His heart sank. He thought that Olly was nicer than that. He realized it then and there. If she was mean enough to do that to he could not love her. She would kill him. He did not want to die. But he wanted to love.

It did not take long for him to fall in love again. Jen was so nice. She talked to him. She was always kind. He realized that she was who he really loved now. Olly was not for him anymore. But of course she didn’t love him. He was truly unlovable.

He knew he wanted to live but he didn’t know how anymore. The pain of being unlovable was just too much. He couldn’t go on anymore. What could do he did not know. He could die?

NO.

He could and he will live. Because everything has beauty even a monster. This he would be told by many. All his friends who saw him as a beautiful person that did not have the ability to see beauty in himself. They helped him and he would live. Not as a monster but as a beautiful person.