Solving my Problems

I know I’m scared of 3 things and each probably has a memory it stemmed off of.The first is being stranded in an unfamiliar place. The second is being someone else. The third is being alone. I’m hoping to find where these fears came from in this essay.

The first fear is always at the back of my mind. What would I if all the people I knew disappeared or worse, never existed? What if one day I woke up in a house that I’ve never seen before and realized later on that I was the only person on Earth? If anything I’d go insane after a couple of days. I think this fear would probably come from me having siblings that I care about. All my life I’ve never been completely alone for more than a hour. It would feel like I was at the bottom of the ocean. I would be a hermit at the bottom of the ocean. That would be awful.

The second fear is something I ponder at times. I’m happy with my life and body. I would never replace the life I have if I ever had the choice. I wouldn’t even trade my life for a celebrities or billionaires life. I could never give up my family or friends. I could also never give up all the things I learned throughout my life. I could also never give up the bad things that happens in life. Those make me a better and stronger person.

The third fear is more passive because I only really feel it after awhile of being alone. I always thought that if I went to college, I would either be in a dorm with a roommate or living with my mom. This probably stems off of growing up with brothers and a dog. Most of the time I don’t mind it but after awhile of thinking it gets to me.

I’m glad I wrote this because after lots of heavy thinking I found out I care about my family and friends and that I’m happy with who I am. Fears can help you find yourself. Now I feel like a stronger person.

Loops of Fear

By: Hayden

 

The summer of 2014 me and some friends went to Busch Gardens, I was about 12 years old and only went on a couple roller coasters. But my friends have been telling me that Busch Gardens have the scariest roller coasters ever. I had just got into the car and I was really scared.

“Have you ever rode the Griffin I heard some fell of and plummeted 100 feet down to the ground”, said Kyle.

As soon as he said that I got really scared and didn’t know what to do. I was a scared like it was the end of the world.

“He is just joking”, said Jack. I was relieved that Jack said that.

We pulled up into the parking lot and saw the crowds of cars and I could even see how big the roller coasters were.

“ We should go to the smaller roller coasters first then hit the bigger ones later”, said Jack. I was so relieved after he said that now I have some time. We got into groups. I was paired up with my best friend Kyle and we went to the Lochness Monster the oldest roller coaster there. As we got in line my heart was beating really hard it felt like I ran a couple miles. Me and Kyle were now up to the front row and I  became really scared. As we went into our seats, I sat down and buckled up. As the rollercoaster started to move I saw all of the loops and spins and  I felt like I was going to throw up so I decided to just close my eyes and wait until the roller coaster was over. But as we got towards the end of the roller coaster it seemed like it was really fun. I decided to open my eyes and as I took a little sneak peek, it looked really awesome. As we got of the roller coaster I was really happy like I won the lottery.

“That wasnt that bad was it”, said Kyle. I told him yes it wasn’t and I was really happy because that was one of my first roller coasters. We rode it a couple more times. Then we met up with the rest of the group to have lunch at the buffet. I walked into the line and I saw all the luxurious foods and just picked up everything I could. As soon as I sat down I dove right in shoving food down my mouth. We finished all of our food and we decided to go to the scariest roller coaster there and it was called the Griffin. I was kind of scared but I knew 100 percent that I could do this.  We made our way into the line but we saw that there were a ton of people wanting to ride this amazing roller coaster. It took awhile but we made our way up into the front of the line. We got into our seats and I was really scared but I knew i could do it.

“You’re going to be fine it’s just like the Lochness Monster”, said Kyle. I went into my seat and buckled up and was ready for the roller coaster. The roller coaster started to move and I closed my eyes. All of the sudden I found out that we were going up and I opened my eyes and saw that we were inclined. Once we got  all the way to the top we stopped for about 10 seconds and the roller coaster took off. The roller coaster was as fast as a jet and it was really scary. But all the sudden I was having so much fun and when they stopped the roller coaster I knew I wanted to ride every roller coaster in this amusement park.

“That wasnt that bad, I said to my friend Kyle. Then me and Kyle went to as many roller coasters as we could before we would have to meet up with our full group. The next roller coaster we went on was called the Alpengeist and I was a little worried about this one. Since I rode a lot of the roller coaster I knew I shouldn’t be afraid of this one.  We buckled as normal and the roller coaster started moving as we started moving Kyle said that this one was probably the scariest one here. That messed up my confidence a little and my heart started to beat rapidly again. There was a lot of loops and turns and I felt like I was going to throw up. I was really happy I did not. The rest of that trip was amazing, I had tons of fun with my friends and I rode a bunch of roller coasters and got over my fear. We went back to the hotel to go to sleep after a long day of fun.

“Are we going to go back to the amusement park”, I asked in excitement.

“Yes of course we are”, Kyle had said back to me. As I was falling asleep I thought about how much fun I had overcoming my fear and how it took a lot of courage. I woke up early in the morning ready to have some more fun. I rushed to wake everybody up so we could get there early. We got in the car and made our way to the amusement park. When we went into the parking lot I saw no cars and I was really happy that we could ride a lot of more roller coasters. But there was still one roller coaster that I haven’t went on yet. We made our way to the to the roller coasters and rode a them for a while. In this trip I overcame my fear and it took a lot courage to do that.

Small Steps

I’m afraid of heights. I always have been. I don’t want to go bungee jumping, hang gliding, sky diving, and cliff diving. But I’ll tell you how I’m slowly overcoming my fear.

I’m still warming up to roller coasters, but the ones I’ve ridden I’ve enjoyed. The first time I rode a roller coaster, it was at Six Flags Over Georgia. the roller coaster was called the Georgia Cyclone. It was one of the biggest wooden roller coasters at that Six Flags.

Another experience I had that helped me slowly conquer my fear of heights, was again at Six Flags. But this time, instead of roller coasters, it was a free-fall ride. I think that that ride helped me a little bit, because it went up to about 100 – 150 feet. After my first time riding the free-fall, then I wanted to ride it again, and again.

My final example for how I showed courage was when I walked across an arch in Arches National Park.The arch was about 5 or 6 feet wide, and about 150 – 200 feet off the ground. Right below us were dangerous boulders.
I’ve been afraid of heights for as long for as I can remember. These are examples of the small steps I’ve been taking. I also hope that I’ll keep making small steps to increase my courage.

Against My Will

Most people don’t think about rape, but some do, most men don’t worry about getting raped, yet there is still that one person that fears it. With women though, there is always that fear there, if they know it or not, because they know that they are most prone to it whether they want to be or not. Rape or sexual assault is by far to me the most uncomfortable thing to be around.To have a person come up to you in their car and start saying the most vile and nasty things is just strait up scary. Most people, when they watch a movie about rape, think that it’s horrible, but they don’t understand the actual horror of it. In real life, it’s much worse. In real life, they don’t get saved usually, and they  don’t miraculously live through rape. All movies try to make rape seem not as bad, but that’s only with some movies. Yet, no matter how hard they try, they could never make rape a happy, friendly, kind, and forgiving thing. It is truly sad that some people think that rape is some sort of joke. Kids these days joke about rape, not understanding what rape actually is, making jokes like when a person touches them, they scream rape. Sooner or later that might actually happen, and no one will come because they will think “oh’ its just some joke, like the boy who cried wolf.”

That’s why to me rape is terrifying , to have a stranger randomly just grab me and have s** with me even though I’m telling that person no.That’s what’s terrifying because they won’t stop till they they think they have had enough, but to me any kind of sexual gesture from a older person I do not know or like in a sexual way is just terrifying, no, horrifying. When you’re being raped sometimes they can be so forceful that you get ruined. A person could lose the ability of having children possibly with too much force. Sadly though to me you can never overcome this fear, but I guess its a good thing I have this fear, because it’s what keeps me safe helps me to have an awareness of my surroundings, to somehow know that I shouldn’t talk to that creepy person that’s staring at me.

There still is a way though to try to avoid getting raped to help you feel more safe in this world. For example, say your on a bus (metro bus) and a man or woman is staring at you in a creepy way, get off at the next stop even if it’s not yours or get off at a crowded stop and act like you know where you are going. If he follows you go to an area where he or she can lose you. what ever you do though don’t go to your actual place, because you don’t want the person to know where you live just to find you once again.

Yes rape and other sexual type of gestures are scary, I agree with you, but you can’t exactly overcome it. Yet it will help you in a way, even if you don’t notice it right now.

The Inescapable Abyss

No matter what someone might say, everyone is afraid of their own mortality, simply because it is inescapable. Impermanence has been a universal concern for as long as humans have existed, and it is the inevitability to rule all others. Perishability is having a single life that can be ended at any point in time for any reason, and once it ends, you get no more chances. Transience looms above the world, observing the widespread and immense fear that it has created with its own mere presence.

Not so long ago, Drake’s song “The Motto” sparked a revolution among people of all ages and walks of life. The phrase mentioned in the song is “YOLO”, meaning You Only Live Once. This also means that there is a certain pressure on younger people to live their lives to the fullest, predicting that the future will be horrifying if not nonexistent, leaving regrets of not having more fun while you could. The general idea of YOLO is lighthearted and fun, encouraging young people to have fun while their youth allows, but when you get to the core of the slogan, it is actually quite morbid, and people quickly realised the morbidity. A few popular pop songs were released soon after the slogan grew, like One Direction’s “Live While We’re Young”, and even Vampire Weekend’s entire album Modern Vampires of the City, touching on how most people associate their adult life with death. One song from Vampire Weekend’s album’s title perfectly describes this concept, titled Diane Young (it’s a pun and a great song ( Check it out )). The pop culture world just brushed these upbeat songs off, neglecting to realise the real meaning of them. The rise of YOLO has only increased the immense fear of mortality, indicating that death is creeping upon us while we enjoy our youth. The simple fear of transience is what drove the YOLO slogan to its international fame.

Another focus is that most people feel that they wasted their youth, resulting in a sad adult life (and sometimes, sadly, suicide). Teenagers and young adults are doing more with their lives than ever before, and while this is a good thing, it also results in them doing reckless activities that they might not have even dreamed of doing before the rise of YOLO and the pressure on youths. The simple truth is that people are stressing themselves out too much trying to do more exhilarating things in their life that the forget to actually live their life how they want, only slightly outside their comfort zone. Ephemerality is having only one life that can be ended any minute by an infinite amount of reasons, but you can’t live every life. Nobody can do everything, but you might as well try. That’s where many philosophers enter the conversation, stating that the sole purpose of human life is to ( at least ) attempt to do everything. Have you ever met, or even heard of, someone that can play the piano,  fluently speak 20 languages, play football and soccer with the pros, and is also a singer? Me neither. People usually try to master things that they are good at, then begin learning other things according to their interests in life. Living the fullest life you have (according to some philosophers) is measured by how many enjoyable things you have done on your own in your life. That’s the root of why people stand by YOLO and are afraid of growing old. They feel that by the time they become an adult, their jobs take over their social and personal life and the rest of their life is a speed train to death, yet again leading  right back to humanity.

Perishability is the basic root of every fear. You are afraid of rollercoasters? Probably because you are afraid of dying on one. You are afraid of planes? Probably because you believe in the very real chance that the plane could crash and you could die. Other fears are more complex, for example, in the Book Thief, a bomb is dropped on Munich, Germany, the setting of the story,  killing everyone Leisel has ever known, leaving her alone. Impermanence is still a root of the fear of being left completely alone, because usually the reason you are alone is because of a death at some point. Leisel is alone because her family and friends were killed, yet she wasn’t. This fear is buried inside Leisel from the very beginning of the book, where she is sent to her foster parents alone because her brother had died along the way. Fears that don’t incorporate impermanence into them are not exactly fears, more like things that you are immensely afraid of.

It is impossible to get over your ineluctable transience. I dare you to sit alone, with no distractions. You will most likely begin to question your own Humanity, the purpose of life, and other philosophical topics. Just thinking about Perishability strikes fear in anybody because no matter how many bullet-proof vests you wear, no matter how many vitamins you take, you will die at some point and there is no way to stop it. It is, however, possible to overcome the impermanence of those around you, but even that results in contemplating your own Humanity. Ephemerality is absolutely inexorable and morbid, only meaning the end of a life. this is where irony takes place, because many people make their living off of human’s simple perishability. Morticians, funeral Directors, and many other vocations exist solely because of ephemerality. These people are taking advantage of the inevitable and making the most of their own lives, turning the tables of the concept of living your life to the fullest before you die.

Every living thing has impermanence. Even though some living things can live for a very long time, nothing is truly immortal. How would we even know if immortal? Mere seconds after you deem something immortal, it could drop dead. Even if you live longer than most things, that does not deem you immortal when all you have accomplished is outliving another creature.The present is happening and the past has happened, so what happens next? “Nobody knows what the future holds, it’s bad enough just getting old.”  ( Diane Young, Vampire Weekend )

The quote mentioned in the above paragraph reflects how youths feel about their older years, stating that “it’s bad enough just getting old.” There really is no way to predict the future, or prevent your aging process. From the YOLO Revolution has risen more marketing strategies for makeups geared towards women, telling them that they can pause their aging process, warding off wrinkles and sagging and creating the illusion of being younger than you actually are. The illusion of appearing young makes people feel as if they are young and have more time to live their life. Of course, appearance to others is also a factor of these products, but that still comes down to the fear of transience and getting old, to impress and/or attract those around you to enhance your living experience before your inevitable death.

Some people are afraid of living their life because of what they might learn. Learning something new is always beneficial, because even if you feel like it is completely useless at the moment, it will probably come in handy at some point, and if it doesn’t, you still learned something new. There is one massive side effect of wisdom, however, and that is sadness. As you acquire more wisdom and learn more things, the springtime feeling that you had before you had learned so much has disappeared, replaced by sadness ( and, of course, knowledge ). Certain knowledge makes you happier as you age, but the knowledge of transience is anything but happy. Philosophical wisdom brings inevitable depression after realising the reality of your humanity.

In conclusion, death is quite obviously inescapable, and it is perfectly natural to fear it. That shouldn’t stop you from living your life to what you believe to be the fullest, not what society defines as the fullest. That also means that just because you have grown old, you still have opportunities to do what you want to do. Although work and other problems will get in the way, you can still pursue your passions. YOLO shouldn’t pressure you to do something, or even live your life fast. Nothing should pressure you into doing everything humanly possible before your humanity takes control, or, even worse, your adulthood takes control. The more you delve into the concept of mortality, the more you will begin to realise how deep your fear actually is.  Although perishability is inevitable, universally feared, and looming, it is ignorable.

 

references: ( In the paragraph about wisdom, I am vaguely referring to a quote from Vampire Weekend about the mention of sadness in their album during an interview with Men In Blazers Podcast/Show )

Diane Young, Vampire Weekend, Modern Vampire of the City, 2013

An Unpredictable Friend

By Christian

 

There once was a bear

Fair and square

Who lived in the woods

without a care

 

Who lived in silence

without worry

No one annoyed him

no need to hurry

 

He lived in peace

until one day

the geese had

flown away

 

there was a disturbance,

an interference,

commotion,

you see

 

The bear was afraid

he did not know

what this thing was,

how it flow’

 

Now the bear was

freaking out

until the thing

revealed itself

 

It was a boy,

young and sweet

who lost his mother

in this heat

 

The Bear felt sad

and helped this boy

until he found his mother

and was glad

 

This event changed the bears life

and had believed it was a lie

but never had had as much fun

as he did with that boy.

Achluophobia

sun goes down and darkness fills the room

rushing footsteps behind me

stomach dropping before my feet

heart pounding out of my chest

 

rushing footsteps behind me

seeing everything but nothing

heart pounding out of my chest

fear strung through my body

 

seeing everything but nothing

eyes searching for an exit

fear strung through my body

no ounce of hope in my mind

 

eyes searching for an exit

yet this hallway seems endless

no ounce of hope in my mind

screams bursting through me

 

yet this hallway seems endless

I am running out of breath

screams bursting through me

I cannot take it anymore

Lost At Sea

This story is about my Grandpa who lives in Los Angeles, California, and how he has courage. Every year since 2011, I have gone to Los Angeles in the beginning of June. I go there with my mom, dad, and sister. My grandpa and grandma have their own boat there. They always invite us to come there every June, and go on their boat and sail to an island called Catalina. We sail there, it takes about 6 hours to sail there without using the motor.  We watch the fireworks there, swim in the ocean there, make lots of new friends there, and do all the things we can’t do here. This is probably my favorite trip of the summer. We leave for Catalina June 3 and come back on June 6th in the evening. When we come back, we fly back to Virginia the very next day.

My Grandpa took a trip to Mexico on his boat with a couple of his friends from Los Angeles. He got to Mexico, did what he had to do there, and enjoyed the time there with 3 of his good friends. About a week later, my Grandpa and three of his boat friends boarded my Grandpa’s boat. My Grandpa’s boat was a racing boat that he competes in lots of competitions in. But on this trip, they were going nice and slow, not using the motor, they were just enjoying the ride back home. Once they reached the West end of Mexico, a couple of days later, near a city called La Paz, the weather started to get worse and worse. They still had about 1,850 miles to go. There was nothing that my Grandpa and my friends could do about it. They were not close to land, so they could not dock the boat and stay the night.  The waves continued to get bigger and bigger, the wind picked up and it started to storm. It was pouring rain and the boat was filling up with water. The weather continued to get worse and worse over the course of the next couple of days. The weather got so bad and the ocean was so choppy that the tip of the boat separated from the boat and drifted away into the distance. The four of them had started to run low on food, they had to eat less food while in the ocean. My grandpa never gave up, and he never lost his courage. He always believed that he would make it back to Los Angeles to see all of us again. Weeks later, my Grandpa and three friends were still alive but still were in the ocean. They were getting very close, they would be arriving in the next day or two. The weather had cleared up, 10 mph winds and clear skies, no waves at all. One day later, they docked at the Marina. My Grandpa shows courage by never giving up and always believing that he would make it back to the United States alive.

The Fear to Fall

A thousand miles up, so very high.

If I fall, I’ll probably die.

I look down, the size of it all.

This is the fear. The fear to fall.

 

A giant cliff, and I hung on.

Clutching the rocks, to not be gone.

So very afraid, as I recall.

This is the fear. The fear to fall.

 

Looking out of a window, a sucking drain.

To fall through, would bring much pain.

Below the people, and cars so small.

This is the fear. The fear to fall.

 

To fly a plane, and to look around,

it’s so beautiful, until I look down.

A gulp in my system, like I swallowed a ball.

This is the fear. The fear to fall.

 

Falling through darkness, and infinite space.

I cannot be scared. I have to face.

To not be afraid, a concrete wall,

That separates peace, and the fear to fall.

 

But even though, no one will have cared,

if I overcome this, I won’t be scared.

No matter what happens, I won’t be afraid,

for I have did it, and have gotten paid,

and will be scared none at all,

of the fear to fall.

 

Written by Jonathan

Overcome by fear

Fear

Fear of losing

Fear of not being good enough

Fear of failure

 

Still…

Not being able to overcome it

Hands sweating and shaking furiously

Bitter taste in my mouth

People laughing

Laughing at me

 

Because i’m a failure

Trying to find that small ounce of courage inside me

The courage to stand tall and face that monster

Still searching

But not found

 

So i stay…

Hidden in the corner

Doubting my every move

Ready to leap into the light

Waiting for that right moment

but for now

I stay…