Dolan sat with his head in his hands. He knew that this would happen. Why would an Olly like him? He knew that he was ugly, stupid, and annoying. He still asked her anyway. He knew that he shouldn’t have. He just wanted to feel loved by someone. But he knew he was unlovable. Nobody could love him.

He pulled his head out of his hands. He had spent all of Ms.C’s class with his head in his hands. He knew that she would notice that Ms.C would notice something was wrong if he stayed like that. So instead he just…   Stared at the wheel of the computer cart.

He had liked Olly for half a year. He originally thought that maybe she liked him but once she had found out she just avoided him. It wasn’t the first time that year that he had felt rejected. A few weeks prior someone he thought to be his friend (Jen)  threw a huge party. All his friends were going it would be great! Except…   He wasn’t invited. He had only known Jen for a few months but he still thought they were friends. He only wanted people to be his friend. He felt like people didn’t want him. He felt alone.

The loneliness was the hardest part of the rejection. It felt he was floating through space millions of light years away from the nearest other person. He stood alone against the army of empty blackness. He could not win because the blackness was himself. He was lost within his mind. Lost within the thoughts of self hate.

Weeks turned into months and he still sat alone. He knew that other people hated him. It wasn’t their fault he thought. He knew it was him. He looked at himself in the mirror. Instead of a person he saw a monster. An ugly beast. He was no human. He was a monster.

He half a year later on a cold march day he and his class took a trip. He thought he love Olly. Why he did not know. All he knew was he wanted her love and friendship. He tried to stay close to her. But every time she would run far away. He was mocked by others for trying to find love. They found it where ever they wanted it but he could never find it. He was the unlovable monster.

Later that day something happened. Jen was on the other bus. They had be texting each other. On the bus. She had become his closest friend. He didn’t realize that she was his friend. He was still fighting the war against himself. He didn’t realize that he had friends.

The Jen texted him something he would never had thought to have seen. “will you go out with me” she asked. He stopped for a minute maybe someone did love him maybe some did…

Then she texted again. “It was a dare from Olly.”

His heart sank. He thought that Olly was nicer than that. He realized it then and there. If she was mean enough to do that to he could not love her. She would kill him. He did not want to die. But he wanted to love.

It did not take long for him to fall in love again. Jen was so nice. She talked to him. She was always kind. He realized that she was who he really loved now. Olly was not for him anymore. But of course she didn’t love him. He was truly unlovable.

He knew he wanted to live but he didn’t know how anymore. The pain of being unlovable was just too much. He couldn’t go on anymore. What could do he did not know. He could die?

NO.

He could and he will live. Because everything has beauty even a monster. This he would be told by many. All his friends who saw him as a beautiful person that did not have the ability to see beauty in himself. They helped him and he would live. Not as a monster but as a beautiful person.

The Other Side

Ethan

“What’s out there?” my eight-year old brother asked. He pointed up at the fifteen-foot concrete barrier that surrounded our village. The wall protected us, like a cage. The village was an acre wide, surrounded by the wall. No one had gone outside in decades. Those who did never returned.

“No one knows,” I replied. “Personally, I never want to find out. I would rather live in ignorance than be killed by whatever’s out there.” My brother frowned. The leaves danced, with a gust of wind.

“We have to get going soon. A storm is coming.” My brother stopped walking.

“Come on,” I told him, but he didn’t budge.

“How do you know that there’s something bad out there? You’re afraid for no reason. Maybe the reason everyone who’s ever left never came back was because it’s so great.” My brother wasn’t like anyone else. He never fit in with the other kids, and always talked about this nonsense. Boom! A thunderclap filled my ears.

“We have to go right now,” I told him.

“Fine,” he replied. I began walking toward the village. After a few seconds, my brother started swiftly stomping after me.

Soon, we arrived at the circle of small houses that made up the village and entered ours. My mom was sitting on the couch reading. “Hi mom,” I said.

“Hello Caden,” she responded. “Where’s Ryan? I thought he was with you.” She looked worried.

“Yeah. He’s right behind me.” I turned around, but my brother wasn’t there. Where did he go? I thought. How could he have disappeared without me noticing? My mother stood up and hurried out the door. “Wait!” I called. “You can’t go outside! There’s a storm!” She didn’t hear me, so I followed her out.

The heavy rain was so thick that I couldn’t see more than a few feet in front of me, so I waited outside of our house. After a few minutes my mother returned. She was soaked with rainwater and looked like she had just ran a mile.

“I told the elders,” she whispered. “They’ve gathered some men and are beginning a search.”

“I can help look,” I offered. She sighed. The look of disapproval on her face told me the answer before she even spoke.

“No. You can’t. You might get hurt,” she said.

“He’s my brother! It’s my fault he got lost and I’m responsible for what happens to him!” I ran off into the rain before she could say anything else.

“Caden! Come back here this instant!” she yelled, but I ignored her. I looked through the whole village. There was no sign of him. Where could he have gone? I thought. Why would he run off like that? Suddenly I remembered what happened in the woods. No. He wouldn’t. He’s not that stupid. No one even knows what’s out there. The wall was a guardian; it kept us safe. We had no reason to leave.

I arrived at the clearing where we had walked. I looked around. He wasn’t here. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I noticed something. A patch of ripped cloth, flapping back and forth in the wind. It was the same blue as the shirt my brother wore this morning. The cloth was stuck to the barbed wire that lined the top of the wall. My mind raced.

He went over the wall, when all of us were afraid not to. Why wasn’t he afraid? Fear is meant to protect us, just like the wall. What we don’t know or understand can be dangerous. Yet, we are still curious about the unknown while being afraid of it at the same time. They should cancel each other out, but they don’t. Some people are more curious than others, and some are more fearful. It’s just the way we are. But the way we are can get us killed. My brother overcame our fear of the unknown without even understanding that he did. He has the most courage out of all of us. He probably was afraid when he went over the wall. Courage isn’t not having any fear. It’s overcoming fear for a greater purpose. My brother was courageous because he overcame his fear for curiosity.

I grabbed a branch of the tree closest to the wall and pulled myself up. I climbed and climbed until I was able to scramble up onto the wall. I stepped over the barbed wire and looked up.

There were no trees on the other side of the wall. As far as you could see, the ground was black. I closed my eyes and jumped down. I didn’t expect a soft landing, but I got one. When I got up, I realized that the ground covered with a thick layer of ash. I saw remnants of concrete structures poking out from under the soot. They looked like they were drowning in the endless sea of blackness.

I knew my brother was out there. I can have courage too. I thought. I will find him. I gazed across the sea of ash, and took my first step into the rest of the world.